Foundations' Blog

It doesn’t seem too long ago that we were celebrating the end of the school year and looking forward to endless pool days and ice cream with friends, beach trips, and maybe even a lazy day or two; and suddenly we are seeing a few rogue leaves falling and school notices coming in the mail. Despite our best efforts to keep summer going even a little bit longer, the school season is upon us. With that, it’s a good time to prepare our kids for returning back to school, whether it’s homeschool, public school, or something in between, this is a season of transition back to schedules and homework. If you are anything like me, this is going to require some preparation for us as parents as well, not only our physical schedules but also our own hearts.

For some students, school brings a sense of normalcy and routine back to their lives, they get to see friends every day and interact with others in a way that summer does not always allow. For other students, the return to...

This November, my wife and I will be married for 27 years. I would say a large portion of our marriage has been very positive, but some struggles required us to maneuver and navigate to get through them. Many couples have more than simple struggles. They have unfulfilled longings, emotional upheavals, and disappointments piled upon hurts and regrets. And many rightfully conclude that marriage should not be like this. They may ask excellent questions, such as "How did things get so bad between us? What does God want me to do? What does He want for me?"

These are very good questions. While pondering the answer, Christian friends are often sought for their counsel to determine God's will. Perhaps your counsel has been sought. Surely God doesn't want us to be in a miserable marriage, right? Since God is good and God is love, many argue that He does not want people to be miserable. Well, God delivered the Israelites from the misery of slavery and oppression many times. Therefore, we...

We’ve all heard someone say, “If I had a dollar for every time someone said ____________, I’d be rich!” Maybe we’ve said it ourselves. Honestly, this is how I feel whenever I hear a Christian give advice that sounds biblical but is rooted in psychology. The advice has a “form of godliness, but denies its power.” In other words, it sounds good, spiritual, and wise, but in the end, it is empty. People mean well when they help others. We want to help people experience happiness and peace, yet our counsel may fall short because we’ve been duped into believing the counsel is true and accurate. There are three common pieces of bad advice Christians give one another, all of which fall short of the Gospel. Let’s take a look at the first most common piece of advice well-meaning Christians give, but it is not Biblical. The other two will be mentioned in future blogs.

“You need to love yourself more” or
“You need to love...

We've all heard the adage, "Don't cry over spilt milk." It is the common instruction we might tell our children when they make a mistake, and we tell them it's no big deal. These are our wise words to let them know that the accident was a small thing and not worth crying over. Mistakes happen. We simply clean it up and move on. But what if you're an adult and the accident is not a simple cleanup like milk?

Mistakes happen. We simply clean it up and move on. But what if you're an adult and the accident is not a simple cleanup like milk?

This is what happened to "Joe" as he painted his basement. It all happened so fast that he didn't even recall what happened, except that the mostly full white paint can ended up on its side, spilling about a quarter of the paint from the can onto the floor. For the next 15 minutes, while cleaning up his mess on the laminate flooring, Joe let out a series of curses that would likely make a sailor proud to be his friend.

What would cause this...

I first heard the phrase, "Praise in public, confront in private," years ago. I was with a group of leaders from my church, and we were at a conference in Rochester, NY. The speaker talked about how this was one of the policies that they had in their church.

I first heard the phrase, "Praise in public, confront in private," years ago...

Conflict is one of the things which tears churches apart. It is what often ends many relationships between groups or individuals. Let's be honest – conflict is everywhere. Especially as Americans, we like to debate and disagree on everything. Maybe it's our competitive nature, but often we talk about things that divide us more than things that unite us. It's not whether or not we will have conflict, but how we will handle it that is important to understand. In some ways, conflict can be good. Conflict comes from being conflicted. Our discussion being conflicted is the opposite of complacency. Most likely, they are complacent if a marriage,...

Have you been in an argument with someone and they said something hurtful? And when you try to reconcile, they said they were sorry and “didn’t mean it”? Or perhaps you said these words to them. If someone tells you, “I didn’t mean it,” do you believe them? Do they think they believed you? While words can never be taken back, the phrase “I didn’t mean it” is often a veiled attempt to take back hurtful words. Other times “I didn’t mean it” can take on a different meaning.

“For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” Matt 12:34

Scripture tells us, “for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” So if this is true, and we know it is, what is really going on inside the heart of those who say, “I didn’t mean it”? Let me suggest a few possibilities:

I didn’t mean it in the way you perceived it.

In other words, while it could have been stated...

Marriage counseling is an opportunity for couples to gain the skills and understanding necessary to strengthen their bond. While communication may seem straightforward, it can be challenging for some partners. Many come into therapy feeling unheard or misunderstood by one another. If there are gaps in your conversations that you feel prevent a deeper connection with your partner, marriage counseling might help bridge them! It could provide helpful guidance from which you benefit as individuals and as a couple.

I want to summarize three common problems and solutions to communicate better with your spouse. To be current with the slang of my teen sons, these communication tips are LIT.

Listening.

Someone once said God gave us two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we speak. Listening is one of the most essential skills of communication, but a skill we rarely do well. When someone else speaks, and you are listening, what are you listening to/for? Some listen for...